American Stuffing....

Is mainly flavoured breadcrumbs (imagine if I was dyslexic = beardcrumbs)... most don't include sausagemeat. Luckily we are having sausagemeat with our Thanksgiving Turkey, I would be quite sad otherwise.

Why I love American adverts, Part 2

"Are you tired of having strange men coming into your home, spraying poison around your children?".

Dispatches from NYC: Halloween (better late than never)

I realise that the details of my adventures have dried up a little recently, and so I shall adjust that now. Tales stretching all the way back to the tail end of October mean that I have become slovenly and also that there should be some good stuff to tell.

First of all was Halloween! I was in Target a day or two beforehand (Target is a department store with food, sort of like a Waitrose Food & Home only minus any fresh foods) and was admiring their Halloween products, when I saw a 'Flaming Grim Reaper' which sounds insane. I wonder just why America came bottom in UNESCO's report of what were the best countries in the developed world to bring up children when there is scary-ass shit like this floating about all over the place...
Target also appears to sell the steel chairs that wrestlers use to knock each other out:
They also have something called 'Butt Paste', but I shall let the product speak for itself:
Halloween itself is... well a little weird to get used to coming from England, but pretty cool. It is a little odd at first when you go out of your house and you can hear Thriller playing from about 20 different places. If you have never been and only seen it on the television, then let me tell you: American's take this shit seriously. Pretty much everyone dresses up and there is a massive parade at night in Manhattan. People were trying to tell me that the parade was as big as the Notting Hill Carnival... well I don't agree with that, but it is pretty big. Plus wanton consumerism just as you are going into a recession? Good for a small boost!

Local government scandals, American style

It seems that councillors in America are prone to the same freakiness as their English counterparts. A local councilor from Jersey City was arrested in Washington DC on Friday for urinating on a crowd of people in a club from a second floor balcony. To be fair, I don't know which bit is weirder, the pissing or a man in his mid-forties off his face in a club. Smells like mid-life crisis.

Zombie McCain and Socialism

With the election days away, I wanted to comment on the insanity of John McCain and the Republican supporters when it comes to what exactly Socialism is. When you turn on the tv and see McCain speaking to GOP followers at a rally in North Carolina, and you hear the zombie say "Obama and his Socialism" and the subsequent rage that erupts from the crowd, you can be quite struck by it. Especially so as the hillbillies in the Carolinas are the people most likely to benefit from things like free healthcare and a better standard of free education in schools. But instead, any mention of the world "Socialism" seems to make these country folk think that it is all a ruse and that Socialism is a backdoor entry for Communism to finally make its grand return as a menace to American liberties. Never mind that every other country in the developed world has a socialist structure, but that does not in any way mean that these countries ever so magically transform into liberal paradises where no-one has to work for anything and the undeserving get handed everything on a plate... (unless you work for the Daily Mail). No, in the US, the Republicans and the co-star of Resident Evil 5 are attempting to trick the simple, Fox News watching folk who make up the groundswell in many states that Socialism = Evil, which is criminal given that these people, and their children, would get a better standard of life if the US were to adopt pan-European practices such as 'everyone has a right to free health care'.

Obama said it best in an interview on the Daily Show earlier this week, when he said, "They've managed to prove that I am a Socialist - they have found evidence that I shared my toys at Kindergarten". Hopefully, the majority of Americans won't be fooled by the oldest man alive (seriously, you have to avoid his gaze, he is like a cockatrice) - I guess in 3 days time we will know!

What not to say (A given for an occasional series)

When in America, never jest in shopping malls in Long Island along the following lines:

"I hope that John McCain wins the election, because then the value of the dollar will fall as the rest of the world loses faith in America, and so my pounds will be worth something."

Of course, if you are a fan of being the recipient of SEVERE ANGER FACE, rinse and repeat until you build a suitable lather.